Let’s Empower the Fathers in Our Lives
This generation of fathers, currently raising young children, deserves a ton of praise. As a whole, they have continued the trend of increasing both quality and quantity of the care of their kids. In general, they have found a way to be more present than their fathers, who were in turn more present than their fathers. According to the Pew Research Center,
“Dads are much more involved in child care than they were 50 years ago. In 2015, fathers reported spending, on average, seven hours a week on child care – almost triple the time they provided back in 1965. And fathers put in about nine hours a week on household chores in 2015, up from four hours in 1965. By comparison, mothers spent an average of about 15 hours a week on child care and 18 hours a week on housework in 2015.
While fathers are spending more time with their children, many feel they’re still not doing enough. Roughly half (48%) say they spend too little time with their kids… Dads are also less positive about their own parenting than are moms. Just 39% of fathers say that they are doing a “very good job” raising their children, compared with 51% of mothers.”
Kids Benefit From Engaged Fathers
Dads have absolutely become more engaged in fatherhood, and there have been many studies showing the positive effect this has on kids. Having a dad who is both involved in a kid’s hands-on care (think dressing, feeding, etc.) and spends time playing with them has been linked to:
- Increased cognitive development
- More positive peer interactions (Basically, more friendly kids)
- Higher levels of school readiness
- Better problem-solving skills
Those Are Some Amazing Results!
These dads are stepping up, but still, only 39% of fathers feel like they’re doing a “very good job.” Honestly, I think that’s pretty sad, and way more men than that are doing a “very good job.” These are men who are trying their hardest, and are WAY more engaged with their families than their own fathers and grandfathers. Interestingly, the studies have also shown that quality of parenting, and not the division of routine care between parents, was more strongly associated with positive child behavioral outcomes.
This generation of men has continued to redefine what an active father should be. And no one has benefitted more from this new vision of fatherhood than our kids. I think it goes without saying that we want the best for our kids, and for our spouses. To do that, when we think of the men in our kids’ lives, as wives, moms, sisters, or friends, we need to ask ourselves, “How do can I support him, as a father?”
6 Ideas to Empower Fathers:
6. Do not refer to time fathers spend alone with their children as babysitting
They are parenting. When you say he is babysitting, you’re implying that he is not capable to care for his children full-time.
5. Help to make sure Dad’s voice is heard
Anytime Dad is involved in a school meeting, doctor’s visit, etc., make sure that people are speaking to both of you directly. It’s common to see father’s communicated to via the mothers, so help out by stepping out of the way.
4. Work on your teamwork
Work on the co-parenting and couple relationship. Parenting will be easier for both of you if you are both on the same team! And it’s easier to be on his team if you have a strong marriage. (Or if you’re not romantically together, at least having a cordial relationship). Try to see his parenting ideas through from his perspective. What was life like for him as a kid? Is he trying to avoid or recreate it? What are his values/goals? (If you’re not sure where to get started, try this article or this course.) By working on your relationship(s!) you are supporting him by increasing your teamwork.
3. Encourage his style of parenting
He will parent differently than you- and that’s ok!! That’s the beauty of the two parent system. Find the value in what he does differently. Statistically, men tend to play rougher with their children, which then helps the kids learn physical limits, and cooperation. That’s just one example of how having the balancing styles of parenting benefits kids. When kids see more than one ‘right’ way to achieve something, it helps create more flexibility in their thinking!
2. Don’t correct him
If they dressed the kid in plaid shorts with a butterfly print shirt, let it be. No one will be harmed, and if you correct everything he does, he’ll eventually step back from the process because you’ve essentially told him he’s not good at being a dad. That’s not exactly what we’re going for. You’ll benefit from letting go, and Dad will appreciate not being micromanaged!
1. Tell the Fathers they’re doing a good job
Not in a pandering way, like the double-standard examples of when a stranger tells a father at the grocery store he’s such a good dad, because he’s grocery shopping with a kid. That’s just parenting basics.
But, when you come home, drained and exhausted from the days demands, and still find a way to wrestle with the kids, or help with homework, or get dinner on the table (or all 3!), I call that a “very good job.” Whether your a mom OR a dad. Do you best in those moments to tell him he’s a great dad! And don’t just save it for Father’s Day!
Do you have any other ways you support your kid’s father? I’d love to hear about them. Please share in the comments below!
Resources:
I had a few resources I couldn’t link to, so I want to make sure they’re given credit!
Buswell, L., Zabriskie, R., Lundberg., and Hawkins, A. (2012). The Relationship Between Father Involvement in Family Leisure and Family Functioning: The Importance of Daily Family Leisure. Leisure Sciences, 34.
Kline-Pruett, M., Pruett K., Pape-Cowan, C., and Cowan P.A. (2017) Enhancing Father Involvement in Low-Income Families: A Couples Group Approach to Preventive Intervention. Child Development, 88(2).