Happy Holidays?

Or Holiday Stress?

We all want to preserve the holidays as a happy time for our kids, so they can look back and have fond memories. So every year we spend an incalculable amount of time dreaming, planning and putting together these magical moments.

But what about your happy memories? When you look back on the last couple year’s holidays, are they happy? Or just a blur of things-to-do and exhaustion. How often do you get to Christmas, and just wish it would be over already.

That is not a recipe for a Happy Holiday. Christmas and Thanksgiving are a time to celebrate, enjoy some family togetherness, and maybe, even some peace.

Avoiding Stress In The Chaos

For many families, the holidays are anything but peaceful. The Christmas chaos seems like it’s a given. There are a million holiday parties to schedule around, recitals and school productions, gifts to find, make and wrap, and special meals to plan and prepare.

And, there are tricky family situations to navigate.

So often, when we’re talking about family, it feels like the choices are out of our control. How many times have you said something like, “I can’t NOT go to dinner at my mom’s! She’ll hold it against me for the whole year!”

This is a big problem, because when we feel we don’t have a choice, we often end up resenting our situation (or the person). Believing you don’t have a choice also steals your joy! And I promise, there’s always a choice. Even if it’s just between the lesser of two evils.

Take back your choices

We need to understand that it’s our choice to build this season up, or to enjoy it simply. It’s a choice to listen to the commercialization of the season, and believe that we need buy into allllll the trimmings that go with it.

Stress sneaks into our lives in a bunch of different ways in November and December. Often the first step is to realize the vision we have in mind of a ‘perfect Thanksgiving’ or a ‘perfect Christmas.’

Now, seriously assess how attainable that is. Is that even what you want? Do you want multiple social engagements every weekend, and to eat dozens of extra cookies, and to fill our house to the bursting point with extra decorations?

What is the cost of striving for this? I’m talking about the literal financial cost, of course, as well as the emotional and physical toll.

Set your goals for the holiday season. Pick a few meaningful things, and do them well. (Make sure you collaborate with your spouse about this, too. I guarantee they have their own thoughts about meaningful activities for Christmas and Thanksgiving.)

Often, we feel obligated to repeat traditions from our past. But this is a chance to re-evaluate them. There is nothing wrong with saying, “That was  a beautiful time and memory for me from when I was little. But it just doesn’t make sense for what our family needs now.” Curating your family traditions is NOT disrespectful to your past.

Tips For Avoiding Types of Holiday Stress

 

Holiday Stress from Over-Scheduling:

• Keep at least one day of the week clear from work and obligations. (Sundays are an obvious choice, but if you work a non Monday-Friday, find a different day, and keep it as clear as possible.)
• Say NO to invitations that will cause you stress.
• Multi-purpose your gatherings with friends. Use the time together to wrap presents, make gifts, or bake treats that will be needed for other upcoming functions.
• Re-schedule things for January if possible.
• Start some tasks early (like making and freezing cookie dough in large batches in November).

Holiday Stress from Extended Family:

• Set boundaries, and let family know as far in advance as possible about when you will be and where.
  • When setting these boundaries, it’s important to think not only about what you’ve done in the past, but what your own family currently needs.
  • If you have to explain new boundaries to family, try to phrase it so they can give you a ‘yes.’ For example, “Will you help me make this Christmas as magical and non-hurried for the kids as possible?”
• Know your triggers, and have a plan. (I know, I just summed up years of therapy in one sentence. Talk about easier said than done!)
• Skip the alcohol at family parties. It always sounds like it’ll help ‘take the edge off’ but usually it prevents us from being in complete control of ourselves. Bonus- you’ll feel better in the morning!
• Prepare! Is there something you’re afraid of happening? Or being asked? Are you nervous about your kids being judged?
  • Have some pre-planned responses
  •  Prepare your kids; if you’re going to dinner at your in-laws, and are worried about your kid’s behavior you could have a ‘fancy’ practice dinner at your house first! It’s a chance to practice all those manners, and maybe earn some dessert. (You don’t have to serve anything fancy- it can be mac & cheese with a piece of fruit for dessert!)
  • If food refusal is something you’re worried about, you could try preparing a response from yourself, or giving your kid polite ways to say no thank you.

Holiday Stress from Finances:

• Go back to your big picture; what and why are you celebrating in the first place.
• Establish a budget, and don’t stray from it
• Make gifts when possible; trim the gift giving list
• Be honest with people you might not be able to give gifts to this year. You may be surprised by people’s responses! No one wants to be a burden!

Enjoy a Peaceful Holiday Season!

You CAN reclaim the peace in your life this holiday season. Remember, you don’t have to do everything; just choose a few meaningful activities and do them well. Attack the holiday stress by addressing the family obligations, the over-scheduling, and the finances. And don’t forget to choose peace over stress this holiday season! After all, as the carol goes, “Let there be peace on Earth. And let it begin with me.”

If you want more parenting tips and strategies for a happier, more peaceful home all year, make sure to sign-up for the newsletter below!

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About Alexandria

Alexandria is a Marriage and Family Therapist with 10 years experience, who is passionate about happy families. She is adamant that happy families start with parents who have the knowledge and tools they need, and who aren’t stressed out to the max. And she wants to help your family thrive!